What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
