I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
