I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
