Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
