I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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