My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
