There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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