He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
