I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
