He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
