yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
