If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
