You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
