Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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