That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
