Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
