kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
