No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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