Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
