which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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