Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just pee around me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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