The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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