fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
