FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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