You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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