idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
