the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
