I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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