i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.