ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.