ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This is classic penis vs brain.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
