just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
