I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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