Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
