I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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