Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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