Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
