I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
