So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
