i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can't put those talents on a resume
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
