I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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