She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Let's paint friendship bongs
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
