I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
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feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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