I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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