They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
