In the future we'll all be gay
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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