Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
