Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
