God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
