...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
