Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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