also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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