We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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