just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
