Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
soo... how was my night?
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