I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she smelled like a LAN party
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
