She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
