That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Too much gin, very little bucket
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
