Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
