"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he fucked my hip out of place.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
