I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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