I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
