clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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