This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
