when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
